Author’s Disclaimer: the story contains one of, if not the most offensive word of the modern English language. It’s purpose of inclusion is not meant to demean or offend, rather it is simply a matter of journalistic integrity, to reflect a true record of this occurrence. It is simply the way the shit went down.
This particular event occurred while I was riding my newly assembled Voodoo Rada, a sparkling Heineken green frame capped with my treasured wheelset, the deep bladed, twelve spoke bling of Campagnolo Shamals. This vain fact is presented here only as a insert to the subconscious undercurrent of my mindset.
The approach to the Stanley Mosk Courthouse from the south places the court on the left side of the street. Rather than cross over four lanes of constant Los Angeles traffic, it is wiser to approach on the sidewalk. This sidewalk is narrow and is often full of; counsel, civic pedestrians, promoters of legal services and the mandatory homeless, extending a cup for passerbys to perform a random act of kindness. As you near the courthouse, the sidewalk gets narrower and crowded. The stairs up to the entrance are capped with large granite edifices, creating what is commonly referred to as a “blind corner”. So my approach is a cautious coasting with hands on the brakes. The rear hub of the Shamal creates a buzz, not unlike a pack of locusts rising from the soil, thereby alerting pedestrians to the presence of a bicycle…or locusts.
At this particular moment in the universe, a man was striding down the steps, towards my path. He was on the blind side of the aforementioned corner, I was on the blind side of his corner. We collided with such a force that both myself and my Voodoo were jettisoned from the sidewalk, ejected onto the street, into oncoming traffic. First things first; at this same particular moment, there was no immediate traffic (phew!), a silver Mercedes had enough room to brake and not hit me. Second item of business, get off the street, spin my front and back tire, good and good. Radio still in the holster, U-Lock still in the back pocket and I’m all good. I proceed to walk to the bike rack without a thought as to the individual that ejected me from my trajectory. After all, this was the result of a blind corner and nothing personal, or so I thought.
I heard him before I saw him. “Fuck That! I want an apology!” Coming through the crowd was a large light skinned brother with tight dreadlocks pulled back in the crown of a bandana. With his vehement aura he looked like the Predator breaking through the crowd of people. Just as I leaned my bike against the rack, he was in my face. “I want an apology!”, he demanded. I looked in the distance over his shoulder, then my eyes traveled up to his flaring nostrils. I calmly responded, “You came down the steps fast, ran into me and pushed me into the street, an apology is not gonna happen, kick rocks.”
“Fuck you nigger, I want an apology” was his strike back.
For the record, I’m not black, so I can only think this epithet had one purpose, and I saw his strategy in a snap; a black man calls a white man a nig…, the white man responds with “I’m not the nig…, you’re the nig…”, then boom, white man = racist bad guy. Not a bad strategy, but underhanded and inapplicable to a cosmopolitan man of the modern world such as myself.
I maintained my chi, “Kick rocks man, I’m not gonna apologize” I tried to shoo him with a nod of my chin, the nonverbal “Get on”.
“Kick rocks??” He replied, “I’ll kick something” and he swung his Timberland boot into my rear wheel with angry force. Touch me, don’t touch my bike, those are the words I live by, so my response was swift, effective and involuntary. My left hand reached into my back pocket for the U-Lock, my shoulders squared towards his and my torso leaned forward. “You’d better fucking run!” came from either my soul or my heart, but it roared out of my mouth and sent him backpedaling along the steps of the county courthouse. As he moved backwards, I stalked forward. He tripped over his retreat and landed prone, half on the steps, half on the sidewalk, his head smacked against the granite edifice which created this skirmish. As I leaned over him with my U-Lock in striking position, I no longer saw an angry man. His eyes were wide with fear, his mouth agape and one hand was stretched up, pleading for peace, “aah”, I thought, “we’ve come to an accord”. I’ve never considered myself a man of violence, and I’ve seen what happens to messengers who get caught using their U-Lock in force, they get a charged with assault with a deadly weapon. I relaxed my stance and who knows what would have happened next.
Enter Courthouse security, (how long have they been watching?) a donut of a man, lumbered down the steps aiming towards me, “Stop!” and he grabbed me by the arm. He did something to ascertain the situation, but my mind was still red, buzzing with victory, not collecting or processing information. At this time an attorney service regular descended the perch he was probably watching us from and quickly explained that the man on the ground initiated the conflict and I was acting in defense. His word was sufficient to the authority and we were instructed to “break it up”. My former opponent gathered his backpack and moved down the sidewalk, I walked the other direction and tended to my Voodoo. My prized rear wheel had a cracked rim wall and two broken spokes. It was a wheelset too fragile for the mean streets of Los Angeles.
Epilogue: As I checked into court, security notified me that the man I had conflict with had a knife on his person (a courthouse security check detained it and returned it to him when he left the court). As I checked out of court, they informed me that he had returned to the steps, most likely looking for me. He had left by the time my work was done, but I like to think he was waiting for me, hoping to give me an apology.
Be Safe, Have fun and Keep Calm.